The family system

I find the Family System is very important more now than ever. The roles we play in our own families and how we support each family member. Having been in a family that has been constantly changing in size and roles from many sibling being born, and parents being divorced and remarried, I know how hard it is to not have a stable family system. Also why it's important to get back to a stable family system, because when my family goes too long being off balanced it causes contention and sadness. 

What role do I play in my family? Easy, I am the peace maker. I remember learning in health class of the personality theory of the four colors everyone has. Red, Yellow, Blue and White. If someone is Red they would be in their own self interest and may like contention. Yellow would be living life to find the most happiness they could get out of it. Blue cares about making good relationships with others. Lastly white is all about making peace with others and hates contention. 

In my family I had keep the peace with my siblings and my mom. When contention came up, I would leave the room. When it was about to get contentious I would talk my family down having them look at both sides of the situation. Why did I do this? I would say it would be if my family did fight, it could break the system of my family. It is sometimes fights that could just be sat down and talked through and figured out if everyone saw both sides of the situation.

What are my thoughts of income maker of the family? I have no say what other families do and it really is what is best for them financially. Personally I think in my own family the mom should stay home while Dad goes to work. As a kid I have always felt closer to my mom growing up, and maybe it was because she stayed home and I spent more time with her. My dad didn't understand how to raise kids from a kids point of view. Don't get me wrong he did spend lots of time with us and was fun to be around, but when it came to making dinners or taking us to the park. It just felt forced compared to natural. Than again both my parents aren't perfect and that's for another time.

To bring up the role of mom and dad. It is important for children to have a roll model in their life to be able to look up to and be able to depend on. When their parent becomes unreliable and the child has to depend on themselves for support and feel like their own parent it can hurt their childhood. At a certain age it was hard to rely on my parents. My mom had health issues and would be late or rarely showed up to events I had. They may of not been important, but it was important to me and it was hard to show up to events by myself when everyone else was with their parents. At a certain point I just became self reliant. I couldn't expect a lot out of my mom. I had to find my own ways to school. When I needed a paper filled out I would have to fill it out myself. I payed for many of my own things that many other kids would have to ask there parents to pay for. Gas, clothes, drivers ed, School activities. I never really expected her to give me money. It was hard to not be able to have a parent I could always just know I could rely on, because she wasn't always that reliable.

 If the parent has no other adult to share with and shares with the child adult topics it can put stress on the child and stunt their development. Yes, the Adult needs to share these things, but with another adult. When It came to sharing too much information, that was also my mom. After her first divorce she has no one to talk to about her problems and she relies on her kids to talk to. I don't need to about her marriage relationships, health and financials problems. I have enough stress being in high school and I didn't have an adult parent I could look up for strong support, because they themselves were also under stress. It was like every time I would have a conversation with my mom she would bring up a family drama she was having and I didn't like to be around it.

To end this blog I'll remind everyone, your child is you child. Don't rely on them for emotional support. The family system goes from Parent to Child. The Child does not need to take care of the parent.